Diary Herd Udder Infection May Be Related to Gigahertz

Bellingham, WA
Professor James Fuminggale of Western Washington University in Bellingham has just released his findings into the recent reduction of dairy cow milk production and increases in udder infections. He reports that statistical evidence tracking computer operation speeds at manufacturing sites in the area against wholesale milk yields shows a clear correlation between gigahertz and udder infections. Fuminggale points to the introduction of the Intel ® Xeon Pentium 4 CPU planning at Boomerang Computer Corp. At no time before the manufacturing facilities were revised to accommodate the 3.0GHz CPU, has an udder problem of this magnitude occurred. Farmers say that the problem has reached epidemic proportions and that local supplies of udder balm have been exhausted. Some scientists at the university, however, are not convinced of the correlation to computer speeds, preferring to believe it may be related to the SARS virus originating in Asia. Be that as it may, university officials are seeking emergency funding from the federal government for more research into the problem. TIGGLE will continue to report on developments, as they are uncovered.

Computer Deliveries to Asia To Resume in August

Lynden, WA
Boomerang Computer Corp. has announced that computer deliveries to Asia, principally to India, will resume in August. Readers will recall that manufacturing was curtailed in April, by the practice of local farmers spreading of liquid manure. Fumes from the liquid manure spreading were hampering the assembly personnel. New air filters have been installed in the manufacturing facilities that should correct the problem. Also, a special air sweetener will be added to the incoming air to ease any employee discomfort. Shipments slated to begin August 1 are planned at a rate of 5000 units per day. Delivery will be by L1011 cargo jets from the Lynden Municipal airport. The flight will be via Anchorage for refueling and thence to Seoul Korea and on to New Delhi India. Lars Hollandson, production manager stated that everyone is optimistic that the schedule can be maintained. Hollandson went on to say that boxing up that many computers a day was no easy task, let alone packing then aboard an L1011. The only concern now is the transit of the boxed computers between the air-conditioned manufacturing facility and across the tarmac to the waiting L1011 jets. If liquid manure spraying should be going on in the area, loading personnel could be overcome. "We are looking into active carbon filtered facemasks" said Hollandson. However, they have been in short supply since the start of the Iraq war. Off the record, he said that Boomerang Computer will do whatever it takes.

Part Shortages

Farm suppliers in the Lynden area are having difficulties meeting demand for liquid manure spreader nozzles. Grange officials strongly suspect one of the local computer manufactures of having bought out the local supply. No one is sure just why the computer manufacturing industry is buying up such quantities of the nozzles. One farmer reported that liquid manure spreading will shortly come to a halt if new supplies cannot be found. Calls from TIGGLE to the local computer manufactures have gone unanswered. Grange officials remain puzzled.

Super Jumbo Cargoliners Will Lynden Measure Up?

In other developments, plans to extend the Lynden Municipal Airport runway to accommodate planned SuperJumbo air cargoliners from Airbus has run into international complications. Extension of the runway to the US/Canadian boarder line has given rise to the effects of the different units of measure between the two countries. Canada joined the international community in switching to the metric system years ago. The United States, however, is still using the outdated English system of measurement. The concern is for ground clearance on approaches and takeoffs over Canada. When heavily loaded, the jumbos have a very low trajectory on take-off, possibly threatening the superstructure of Canadian farmhouses and silos. Calculating the climb gradient in metric could yield different results than in the United States. Commenting on the low trajectory, one irate BC farmer noted, "I’ll have to put a hinge on my silo, eh?" A strong adherent to metric CGS conversion, "Not in my backmetre, eh!

Deliveries To Be Hampered By Extremists?

An organization calling itself LEAC (Lyndenites Enmasse Against Computers) has vowed to block L1011 flights from the Lynden Municipal Airport by chaining themselves together across the runway. They say that the technology being used in computer manufacturing in Lynden is affecting the production of milk from dairy cows. A spokesman stated that they will do anything necessary to bring to the attention of the public the situation in this region. "Computers are killing our cows" he states, and "We won’t stand for it". Meanwhile, plans by Boomerang Computer Corp. are to ship the computers by whatever means are available. The reply from LEAC was "No comment".